Sunday, February 19, 2012

Finding the fizz

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. - Psalm 73:26 (NLT)
For at least a decade I’ve struggled with fatigue. I’ve researched it endlessly, hoping to find a cause and a cure. It’s no fun feeling like flat pop—all the fizz gone. I’ve diagnosed myself with everything from a vitamin deficiency to sick building syndrome to seasonal affective disorder to chronic fatigue syndrome. I’ve eliminated certain foods from my diet. I order a special vitamin powder, From Fatigued to Fantastic, especially formulated for those with an underactive thyroid gland, which I’ve had for as long as I’ve dealt with fatigue. I haven’t reached “fantastic” yet.
Yet my blood levels are where the doctors want them—in fact, my endocrinologist told me he’s satisfied with where I’m at and I don’t have to go back to him. My primary care physician can take over.
I can argue—in fact I have—but it does no good. I consulted another endocrinologist for a second opinion. “Lose weight,” she said. Same old. Same old. Sigh. A couple of years ago I consulted a doctor who agreed to get to the bottom of it. He ran all sorts of tests—40 tubes of blood were drawn. But all he could find was the B-vitamin deficiency. And even that wasn’t obvious. Even the CPAP machine for sleep apnea hasn’t helped.
You name it, I’ve tried it. Still no fizz.
Fatigue was the reason I retired from teaching. It’s made me a real homebody—not that I don’t enjoy being home—I do—but I’d like to be able to spend a day shopping with a friend or a Friday evening date with my hubby and not feel drained. But just thinking of even getting ready makes me tired.
Last fall I came to the conclusion that I must have chronic fatigue syndrome. But then I began to feel better. A little bit at first, but by the beginning of November, I felt energetic enough to clean house. At last—fizz! “I feel human again,” I told my husband.
Then I had hernia surgery. The surgery and recovery went well, but the fizz hasn’t returned. The fatigue has set in again. Bummer.
Ever feel like you’re alone—on your own—that no one who can help understands? That you’ve tried everything, and nothing worked?
My Bible reminds me I’m not alone. God is with me. He understands. And I’m learning to lean into Him when I have days like today—when I just want to crawl back in bed and sleep all day. When I sit in my prayer chair and imagine myself curled up in my Father’s lap, my head on His shoulder, His father’s arms around me.
Psalm 73:26 reminds me that as long as I have God, failing health and a weakening spirit are of no consequence because God is the strength of my heart—and that’s where it really matters.
May I always find my strength in You, Lord. Amen.

Special-Tea: Read Psalm 84:5-7

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